I Was Losing Everything. Then Jesus Met Me in the Fire.

There are moments in life when everything you thought was secure begins to fall apart.

When the circumstances are so overwhelming that you forget to eat. When the people you love are suffering. When fear threatens to consume you, and you can no longer imagine how life will ever return to normal.

I know those moments.

I've lived them.

But what I want to share with you isn't simply a story about suffering.

It's a story about the faithfulness of God.

About the extraordinary ways I believe He was already making provision before our family knew what was coming.

And about a night when I woke from sleep, sat upright in my bed, and experienced a vision of Jesus walking me through fire.

He was holding my left hand with His righteous right hand.

And from somewhere deep within me came the words:

“Hallelujah! Abba, Father! Hallelujah!”

There was just one thing.

I didn't know what “Abba” meant.

What I discovered in Scripture that night would forever change the way I understood my Heavenly Father.

A Young Mother Facing the Unthinkable

I was in my early twenties, raising three children under the age of three.

My youngest son, Maximus, was just a newborn. I was breastfeeding, caring for my babies, and living through what would become one of the most devastating seasons of our family's life.

We were facing a lawsuit for more than $100,000.

Terrible accusations had been made against us.

My husband had to separate himself from our family for several weeks, and Child Protective Services had taken custody of our children.

I cannot fully describe the anguish of being a mother in those circumstances.

Everything felt uncertain.

Our family, our future, our livelihood, and the life we had built were all being threatened.

I had to give up my business and my car.

The emotional weight became so overwhelming that I would forget to eat.

I was numb to so much of what was happening around me.

And still, there were three little children who needed their mother.

I was trying to hold everything together when I could barely understand how we had arrived at such a painful place.

But there was something I had not let go of.

My faith.

I continued to honor God.

I feared the Lord, not because I believed He was cruel or waiting to punish me, but because I knew He was holy, sovereign, and worthy of my reverence.

Even when I didn't understand my circumstances, I knew He was still God.

And looking back, I can see something remarkable.

Before the storm arrived, I believe God had already begun preparing the people who would help us walk through it.

The Provision That Was Already Waiting

One of the greatest blessings during that season came through my father-in-law.

Because of the circumstances surrounding our case, our children were placed in the custody of Child Protective Services.

But my father-in-law was able to move into the downstairs apartment of our home and serve as an approved in-home supervisor.

That arrangement allowed me to remain with my children.

Including my newborn baby, whom I was breastfeeding.

In the middle of circumstances that felt impossible, there was a way for us to remain together in our home under supervision.

I cannot express what that meant to me as a mother.

The legal circumstances had not disappeared.

Our family was still facing an enormous battle.

But we had been given something precious.

The ability to be together.

And that wasn't the only provision I would recognize.

Sometimes God Sends His Provision Through People

Before all of this happened, we had experienced a deeply painful relationship with people living next door.

There had been gossip, unkindness, hurtful words, and belongings taken from us.

It was an environment that had brought additional heartache into our lives.

Then those neighbors decided to sell their home.

And just days before our family's crisis unfolded, a new couple moved in.

Their names were Doreen and her husband.

They were Christians.

And I don't mean that merely as a description of what they believed.

They lived their faith.

They were warm, kind, compassionate, and loving.

They encouraged us.

They didn't add to the gossip or turn away because our circumstances were complicated.

They showed up with the kind of genuine Christian love that you never forget.

I still think about the timing.

Just days before our lives were turned upside down, the people living beside us had changed.

Where we had experienced hurt, we were now surrounded by kindness.

Where there had been hostility, there was encouragement.

Where there had been painful relationships, there were people whose lives reflected the love of Jesus.

It was as though God had been tending the soil around our family, preparing a place of comfort before the storm arrived.

Sometimes God's provision doesn't look like an open door. Sometimes it looks like the right person standing beside you when everything else is falling apart.

Romans 12:10 tells us:

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” (KJV)

And Proverbs 17:17 says:

“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (KJV)

I saw those Scriptures lived out through ordinary people doing extraordinary things through their kindness.

Doreen and her husband were such a gift to our family.

If they ever read this, I want them to know how deeply grateful I remain.

Thank you for loving us.

Thank you for encouraging us.

Thank you for being genuine examples of what it means to follow Christ.

You may never fully know how much your kindness meant during one of the darkest seasons of our lives.

But I have never forgotten.

And I believe God placed you beside us at exactly the right time.

The Night Everything Changed

Then came the night I will never forget.

I had been sleeping.

I woke up, sat upright in my bed, and found myself facing our master bathroom.

I was awake.

But I was seeing a vision.

In that vision, Jesus was walking me through fire.

He was holding my left hand with His righteous right hand.

I wasn't walking alone.

He was right there with me.

In the fire.

Holding my hand.

And as I experienced this, I began crying out:

“Hallelujah! Abba, Father! Hallelujah!”

I believe those words were coming from the Holy Spirit within me.

I was in so much pain.

I had been living under such tremendous emotional weight.

And yet, in that moment, I experienced the nearness of God in a way I had never known before.

I didn't receive an explanation for every accusation or circumstance.

I didn't suddenly know how the legal battle would end.

But I was filled with assurance.

God was with us. He had not abandoned our family. And He would walk us through the fire.

I couldn't wait to tell my husband.

“I Wish He Would Give Me Dreams Like That, Too.”

Because of our circumstances, my husband and I were living apart during those weeks.

But I was so excited that I called him immediately.

I wanted him to know what I had experienced.

I wanted him to know that God was in this with us.

That we weren't forgotten.

That He was going to walk us through what we were facing.

My husband listened and said something I still remember.

“I wish He would give me dreams like that as well.”

I understood.

We were both hurting.

We were both facing circumstances we never would have imagined.

And I had just experienced something that filled my heart with hope.

I also called my mother.

She had been carrying her own feelings of shame and responsibility, believing that choices surrounding her divorce might somehow have contributed to the hardships our family was experiencing.

But what I wanted to share wasn't condemnation.

It was the nearness of my Heavenly Father.

And then I had to find out something.

What did those words mean?

Abba, Father.

What Does “Abba, Father” Mean?

It was the middle of the night.

I had just experienced this extraordinary vision.

And naturally, I went to Google.

I typed in the words:

“What does Abba Father mean?”

What I discovered stopped me.

Abba is an Aramaic word meaning “Father,” expressing the intimate relationship of a child with a father.

The explanation I found described that closeness using the English word Daddy.

Now, that might seem like a small detail.

But it wasn't small to me.

You see, I had always called my earthly father Daddy.

We had a very close relationship when I was growing up.

Even through high school, I still called him Daddy.

Other kids would sometimes make fun of me for it.

But that was who he was to me.

Daddy.

And here I was, in one of the most painful seasons of my life, crying out to my Heavenly Father with a word I didn't even know.

To be clear, Abba is not literally the Aramaic equivalent of the English word Daddy. It means Father, carrying a deeply personal sense of relationship.

But the intimacy of that relationship was what touched my heart.

I had called out to my Heavenly Father in a way that felt so deeply connected to the love and closeness I had always known with my own dad.

And then I discovered something even more extraordinary.

Romans 8:15: The Spirit of Adoption

Romans 8:15 says:

“For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.” (KJV)

There it was.

“We cry, Abba, Father.”

Those exact words.

Words I had cried out without knowing what they meant.

And then Galatians 4:6 says:

“And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.” (KJV)

Read that again.

The Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.

I was overwhelmed.

Because this was exactly how I understood what I had experienced.

I hadn't consciously chosen those words.

I didn't know their meaning.

Yet they had come from within me during one of the most painful moments of my life.

And now I was reading about the Spirit of God crying those very words within the hearts of His children.

That was one of the moments when Scripture began coming alive to me in an entirely new way.

Not because my experience was greater than God's Word.

Quite the opposite.

God's Word was giving me the truth by which I could understand my experience.

And that changed everything.

When You Can't Find the Words to Pray

Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you didn't know what to pray?

Perhaps you've sat in a hospital waiting room.

Perhaps you've received a phone call that changed your life.

Perhaps you're facing a broken marriage, a frightening diagnosis, financial hardship, or the loss of someone you love.

And all you can do is cry.

Romans 8:26 says:

“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” (KJV)

What an extraordinary promise.

The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.

When we don't know what to pray, the Spirit intercedes according to the will of God.

I think about that night.

I was exhausted.

I was hurting.

I was numb to so much of what was happening around me.

But I believe the Spirit was crying out within me.

Abba, Father.

There is something so beautiful about knowing that through Jesus Christ, we are welcomed into God's family.

We don't have to approach Him with perfectly rehearsed prayers.

We can come to Him as His children.

And when words fail us, the Holy Spirit has not failed us.

His Righteous Right Hand

There is another detail of the vision that has remained especially precious to me.

Jesus was holding my left hand with His right.

And then consider Isaiah 41:10:

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (KJV)

“I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

When I read those words, I think about what I saw.

His right hand.

Holding mine.

Leading me through the fire.

Isaiah 41 was originally spoken to God's people, Israel, reminding them of His faithfulness and covenant promises.

The passage isn't a prediction of my personal vision.

But it reveals the character of the God I had encountered through faith.

The God who strengthens.

The God who helps.

The God who upholds.

And Psalm 73:23 says:

“Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.” (KJV)

Again, the imagery of being held by God.

I find it extraordinary that these themes (His hand, His presence, His faithfulness) are woven throughout Scripture.

And I believe that when God gives us a spiritual experience, we should always bring it back to His Word.

Not every dream is from God.

Not every impression is a revelation.

And no personal experience should ever be placed above Scripture.

But when an experience leads us to study the Bible more deeply, to honor Jesus Christ, and to trust God's revealed truth, it can become a powerful part of our testimony.

That is what happened to me.

Why Does God Sometimes Feel Closest in Our Darkest Moments?

Throughout my life, I have experienced many painful, life-altering circumstances.

More than once, I genuinely didn't know how I was going to make it through.

And something has become deeply meaningful to me.

The moments when I have experienced God's nearness most profoundly have often been the moments when I was hurting the most.

I don't believe God is absent during our joyful seasons.

And I don't believe we must suffer to earn His attention.

But I do believe suffering can strip away the distractions and false securities we sometimes rely upon.

When everything else seems uncertain, we discover how desperately we need Him.

Psalm 34:18 says:

“The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” (KJV)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.

I think about that through the eyes of a parent.

When your child is hurting, you want to draw near.

You want to comfort them.

You want them to know they are loved.

And how much greater is the compassion of our Heavenly Father?

Psalm 103:13 says:

“Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.” (KJV)

There is such tenderness in those words.

I have often described those painful seasons as moments when the veil between heaven and earth seemed thinner.

Not because Scripture teaches that suffering literally removes a veil, but because I became so profoundly aware of God's presence.

My heart was grieved.

I was holding on to the Lord.

And I believe He was drawing me closer to Himself.

The Fear of God Changed My Fear of Man

One of the greatest things that came out of this season was a transformation in how I understood fear.

We had been facing accusations, legal proceedings, and circumstances involving people with significant authority over our family.

There were times when I felt surrounded by injustice, deception, and the possibility of losing everything.

But after experiencing God's presence in such a profound way, I began to understand something differently.

No earthly authority has ultimate authority over my life. God does.

That doesn't mean laws don't matter.

It doesn't mean government officials should be disrespected.

And it doesn't mean our actions are without consequences.

But it means that no person, court, government, or institution is greater than God.

Proverbs 29:25 says:

“The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.” (KJV)

And Psalm 118:6 says:

“The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?” (KJV)

I began to lose the fear that other people could ultimately determine my worth, my identity, or my eternal future.

I could honor legitimate authority while remembering that my highest allegiance belonged to the Lord.

Romans 8:31 says:

“If God be for us, who can be against us?” (KJV)

That verse doesn't mean Christians will never face opposition.

It means that opposition cannot defeat God's ultimate purpose for those who belong to Christ.

I had experienced that assurance in the middle of extraordinary fear.

And no one could take away the fact that I had lived through that moment.

I knew what I had experienced.

I knew what Scripture said.

And I knew where I wanted to place my trust.

Did God Cause the Suffering, or Did He Carry Us Through It?

This is an important question.

Because when we look back and recognize God's provision, it can be tempting to say that He arranged every painful detail.

I believe God is sovereign.

I believe He knows the end from the beginning.

I believe nothing takes Him by surprise.

But I also believe we must be careful not to confuse God's sovereignty with the idea that every sinful action, accusation, or injustice reflects His approval.

People make choices.

People hurt one another.

We live in a fallen world where suffering is real.

Yet Scripture repeatedly shows God's ability to work through circumstances that were intended for harm.

In Genesis 50:20, Joseph told his brothers:

“But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good.” (KJV)

What a powerful truth.

The actions of Joseph's brothers were wrong.

But their wrongdoing could not prevent God from accomplishing His purposes.

I think about that when I remember our family's experience.

I cannot tell you that God caused every painful thing we endured.

But I can tell you that I believe He was already making provision.

Through my father-in-law.

Through Doreen and her husband.

Through the encouragement we received.

And through the assurance I experienced that night.

God did not have to remove the fire to show me that He was with me.

The Faith That Would Carry Me Into Another Season

Looking back, I can see how much I grew through that experience.

I grew in my knowledge of Scripture.

I grew in my reverence for God.

I grew in my trust in His sovereignty.

And I grew in my understanding that the fear of the Lord is far more important than the fear of man.

I learned to seek Him when I had no answers.

To return to His Word when I needed understanding.

And to trust His character even when I couldn't see the outcome.

I couldn't have known then how deeply I would need that foundation in the years ahead.

Our family would eventually face another sorrow, one that would change our lives forever.

And while nothing could have made that loss easy, I had already learned something precious.

I had learned where to turn when life became unbearable.

I had learned to cry out to my Father.

And I had learned that the presence of God was not dependent upon the absence of pain.

That story deserves its own place, and one day I hope to share it with the same care and honesty.

A Prayer for the Person Walking Through Fire

Heavenly Father,

I pray for the person reading this who feels as though everything around them is falling apart.

For the mother who is overwhelmed.

For the family facing uncertainty.

For the person who feels misunderstood, falsely accused, or afraid.

For the one who is grieving so deeply that they cannot find the words to pray.

Lord, remind them of Your faithfulness.

Teach them to honor You even when they don't understand their circumstances.

Help them to fear You above man and to trust Your Word above their fears.

Open their eyes to the ways You may already be providing for them through the people and opportunities around them.

Holy Spirit, help them in their weakness.

When words fail, remind them that You intercede according to the will of God.

And may they come to know Jesus Christ, not merely as a name they have heard, but as their Savior and Lord.

In Jesus' precious name,

Amen.

The Fire Was Real. But So Was His Presence.

I will never forget that night.

Waking from sleep.

Sitting upright in my bed.

Facing the master bathroom.

Seeing Jesus walking me through the fire.

His righteous right hand holding my left.

And crying out:

“Hallelujah! Abba, Father! Hallelujah!”

Words I didn't understand.

Words that would send me searching through Scripture.

Words that helped me discover the extraordinary truth of the Spirit of adoption.

That experience changed the way I studied the Bible.

It changed the way I trusted God.

It changed the way I faced fear.

And it strengthened my faith for battles I couldn't yet imagine.

I don't share this because I believe everyone must experience a vision to know God.

I share it because I want you to know the God whose character is revealed in His Word.

The God who draws near to the brokenhearted.

The God who helps us in our weakness.

The God who invites us, through Jesus Christ, to call Him Father.

I didn't know how I was going to make it through the fire.

But I knew whose hand was holding mine.

And that changed everything.

Scripture to Study

• Romans 8:15 to 26: The Spirit of adoption and the Holy Spirit's intercession
• Galatians 4:6: The Spirit crying “Abba, Father”
• Isaiah 41:10: God's righteous right hand
• Isaiah 43:2: God's faithfulness through the fire
• Psalm 34:18: The Lord's nearness to the brokenhearted
• Psalm 103:13: The compassion of our Heavenly Father
• Proverbs 29:25: The fear of man and trust in God
• Genesis 50:20: God's sovereignty over human wrongdoing

All Scripture quotations are from the King James Version (KJV).